The In-Person Customer Experience, observations on making your customer experience for your business better than average

Person with Bag over the head (bag has a smiley face on it) and the person is giving two thumbs upWe recently had a chance to take a little time off and rented a VRBO for our kids and grandkids to come and stay for a few things.

 

Sadly our local B&B that we would generally put them up at was booked up, so we had to settle for what we could find. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a fan of vacation rentals, this one at least had commercial liability insurance (a must to protect owners and guests) and was legally a business paying NH rooms and meals tax, so there was that.

 

This is not meant to be an op-ed on vacation rentals or to pick on them but to point out if you are a property owner of any kind renting short-term property out, legal B&B, hotel, motel, hopefully legally vacation rental…. You really should check out the rooms and property from the guest’s perspective. Further down in this post, I also touch on brick-and-mortar retail stores.

 

I’ve touched on this years ago in a couple of blog posts, Why it pays to sleep around for Bed and Breakfast owners and for restaurants, View Your restaurant from a customer’s perspective.

 

This property had a vacation rental manager who lived according to her, literally right down the road. The property was clean (except for the toaster oven, I’ll give that pass :), beds were comfortable, and it wasn’t out in the trees price-wise, all pluses.

 

But, In the main bathroom, the sink didn’t drain, and the whole fixture of the faucet was loose, so when you turned the water on, the whole fixture tilted.

 

In the kitchen, most of the knobs on the drawers and cabinets were loose, and I spent 5 minutes fixing them myself because it was bugging me. There were some other minor issues with the property (aside from the sink, which we did mention to the manager) that were not enough to be an issue or to complain about but it’s what sticks as a memory of the stay for my family. And the point is not to nitpick but to draw attention to the small details. Our kids and grandkids had a great stay otherwise but didn’t leave a review because of the small things.

 

There are mixed feelings from vacation rental hosts about supplying some essentials; some properties give guests starters or, depending on how long guests plan to stay, at least a few day’s supply of things like napkins, paper towels, and a garbage bag or two. Other rentals have a, “Well” we are not a hotel”; renters need to bring everything on their own.

 

I lurk on many lodging forums, both legal and not-so-legal lodging, and the discussions and different viewpoints are fascinating.

 

I’d point that that properties need to clarify that if they are not going to provide the bare minimum, state it explicitly up front. I’ve seen a score of rental sites saying, “Everything you need for a perfect getaway! (that kind of implies everything, no?) and then don’t have the little things. (as evinced by scores of reviews I’ve read)

 

While experienced vacation rental stayers may be hip and bring things, what about someone renting for the first time who may need to be made aware of having to bring everything? Or a case like this, where a renter might know but OOOPPPSS, forgot those paper towels, and the nearest convenience store is a good half-hour away. I’ve lost count of the number of reviews I’ve seen on vacation rental sites and other review sites where people are commenting on this. Apparently, not everyone pays attention to their reviews and they probably should. I wouldn’t be writing a blog post about it if it was just me observing this.

 

How much of an outlay is it for a place to have at least one roll of paper towels, a couple of extra garbage bags, and some napkins (just as examples). $3 isn’t going to detract much from that $400 a night a property is charging. Again this is not to nitpick, we were prepared and brought things, but how many people may not be or forgot something?

 

Here’s where I go back to if a property with no onsite owners wants to up their game, stay at the place, what’s wrong with it that’s fixable (even if it’s super minor)?

 

How can you make things just a bit better for guests? (and be legal, for heaven’s sake! Yep had to add that, darn my fondness for legal lodging).

 

It’s the little things that can make or break a stay for a guest and, even more importantly, lose a potential repeat customer and not have them leave a review, either positive or not. It IS the small stuff that tips people over the edge on leaving a good review. At a restaurant having an excellent meal with great service but the coffee at the end of the meal is cold is another great example.

 

What this is really tied into is this goes for ANY brick-and-mortar business out there.

 

When did you last walk through your retail shop/store selling clothing (as an example) and pretend you were a customer? Really “be” a customer, no joke.

 

Can those short people (I’m one of them, so this is an endless challenge shopping in many places) reach things?

 

Can the tall person with larger feet who is a customer reach down easily to get to the lowest row at floor level because not thinking about it, that’s where you have placed the larger shoes, and you did it for the convenience of yourself, not the customer?

 

I stopped into a little shop recently on a trip, and I had to ask the owner to take down some suit jackets I wanted to look at (note she was not overly tall but still had 6 inches on me). While in there, I also observed several other people (also vertically challenged) who felt some of the clothing, looked up at the clothing for more then a minute, and then walked away.

 

A question I’d be asking myself if I was the shopkeeper and was paying attention to my potential buying customers (this was the owner of the shop there, so no excuse that this was an employee) is how many of those people that had a little more than a passing interest in something too high to reach without having to ask, might have taken that shirt they were interested in and went to the mirror with it and then possibly to the changing room to try it on, to potentially the cash register and bought it??????????

 

Just because something is in person doesn’t change the sales funnel.

 

I’ve seen people pick up shopping baskets in stores, go to the back of a store (not necessarily a big box store) where there are large heavy objects, pick something up, put it back down, or pick it up, put it into their basket and then pick the basket up, put it back down and then place the item back on the shelf either because they wanted to do more shopping and/or they just didn’t want to lug it and anything else already bought up to the counter.

 

I’m not saying move all your heavy stuff up toward the cashiers but instead be more observant of your customers, not to mention if you’re the owner or manager; paying attention to customers is a good positive thing for customer interaction, but it also cuts down on theft.

 

In our local Supermarket, many of our stockers are on the tall side, and the general manager/purchaser doesn’t pay attention to things like double stacking, stacking above the cold line, or putting products into space where other SKUs belong, this includes allowing stock people to put items like gallon containers and #10 (extra large cans) on the very top shelf of aisles. For shorter people, we can’t even reach the top shelf half the time, let alone take something heavy down easily, and the reverse can be true if you have heavier items that frequently sell, putting them on the bottom shelf so taller people or older people have to bend down very far to retrieve them isn’t particularly helpful either.

 

Double stacking boxes on the top shelf makes it a challenge in Jenga to take a box down, no matter your height, and I’ve seen boxes of Cheerios falling on old ladies because they are double stacked, ouch ☹

 

Another common one is aisle space, sometimes you are at the mercy of a layout that you can’t change, but if you have racks, tables, or shelves that are movable, I challenge you as an owner or manager to dress in winter clothing with a bulky winter coat and/or bring a large bag/purse with you (or get a friend or employee to do it if you don’t feel comfortable with it) and aisle walk.

 

Can someone easily navigate through aisles? Do their clothes or bag catch on things or potentially brush things off a table or shelf to the floor by accident? What about people with strollers or carrying portable baby seats?

 

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve walked into a store and, within a minute, walked back out again because I’m afraid my bag (which isn’t huge), and nor am I, is going to knock something off a shelf because there is not enough space to walk easily without having to be hyper-aware of bumping into things.

 

I’ve also lost count of the times I’ve been behind someone going into a store who has done the same thing, walked in, and then turned right around and walked out; you’ve lost your sale before you even started.

 

One more is a public bathroom for shoppers. Does your stall have a hook on it to hang coats and bags? No one wants to put those on the floor, no matter how clean it looks. Not just women carry bags; what about bikers (motorized and non) with backpacks or fanny packs they may want to remove as an example, or coats for all genders? 

 

Case in point, many box stores have a small ledge to put a purse down on. In traveling last week, I stopped at my favorite smokehouse in Bennington, Vermont (Henry’s Market); going to give them a shameless plug because, IMO, they have excellent sandwiches, great smoked meat, and friendly staff whenever I have stopped in every few months.

 

They have an ice cream cooler with a flattish top right in front of the cash register where you put the items you purchase. All five of the woman in line in front of me used the cooler to put their purse on to dig out their wallet, as did I, as did two of the men who were shopping who rode in on motorcycles and had backpacks. They may not have intentionally done this, placing the cooler there, but it sure made paying easier.

 

Sometimes it’s just a little thing to make a retail experience that much better, and it’s the small things (that detract) people remember.

 

It’s not just sales; it makes reviews telling (or not). How many reviews does your brick-and-mortar establishment have? You have a great product or products; things are priced well, and your customer service may be exceptional, but where are your loads of good reviews? If you’re not getting them and you’ve checked off all the former points, maybe it’s time to take a good look at your customer “experience” when they are in your establishment and be observant, put yourself in the customer’s shoes.

 

The phrase, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff is the opposite of true when it comes to the customer experience. It’s the Small Stuff that matters and can put more money in your pocket as a business owner and I hope that matters.

Experiments with using AI to Generate Social Media Content

As I continue to go down the AI rabbit hole, I keep seeing suggestions out there for using AI to generate social media content, but I haven’t seen a lot so far giving actual specific examples and testing the existing platforms against each other. I’m sure they’re out there since I started playing with this, but I wanted to give you my personal take and some comments about what I found so far.

Screenshot of an excel sheet with Quotes about Scones

I love free stuff, especially for free platforms. While there are a lot of paid options out there, I wanted to try to stick with the free ones just because I work with so many small businesses with very limited marketing budgets, and the last thing I want to do is start suggesting paid platforms when there are just as many good alternatives out there that are free.

 

There was recently an article on Make Use Of on using Canva to bulk generate images so I gave it a try. This has some pros and cons, for example, if you’re doing quotes if your not really specific about the prompt given. When you ask the AI generator to do quotes, you need to give it some very specific parameters about how to separate the data; otherwise, when you copy and paste it into a spreadsheet, you still have to spend some time separating the text into separate columns.  

 

I found when I first started playing with this option, I asked it to generate quotes about scones, and I didn’t give it specific parameters and then had to spend about 5 minutes separating the columns out from each other, which realistically from a time perspective isn’t a lot but if you were doing a whole lot of these that time can add up, and it doesn’t necessarily become a time saver.

 

So here are some examples, just as a test of some scone quotes in an Excel sheet uploaded to Canva and then autogenerated into a very basic template for scone social media posts. You can do a lot more with it, and I came out with some more creative things after messing with it for a bit, but again you have to think about the time you’re spending to create the templates first. And then the time to customize them a little bit more so they’re not all identical. 

Screenshot of Scone Social Media posts

Is this all worth it? I can’t say for sure it is, and I can’t say it’s not. That is only something you need to figure out if that will save you time and what kind of image your business is projecting.

 

The other questions I had were what else can you use it for? I had seen some suggestions for generating post content, for talking about email content and email subject lines, so I was curious to see what some of the various free AI platforms would generate when prompted when compared with the same prompts side by side.

 

So the first question I asked and ran through some of the AI platforms was “Write 10 creative email subject lines for selling Muffins“.  Now, of the results I came out with from Chat GPT, Google Bard, IASK.AI, and Bing’s AI I found some interesting things. 

 

ChatGPT, for example, spit out some interesting content, but realistically, of the ones that really popped visually/text wise and I think I would put in the category of good open lines (meaning it would entice someone to actually open an email if it landed in their email box) I would say maybe only three of the platforms did well in terms of coming up with decent quality examples.

ChatGpt Screenshot

Google Bard, I think came up with only one or two of them from a consumer’s perspective that would want to make me open an email based purely on the subject line.

Google Bard Screenshot

IASK.AI spit out pretty much the same thing as Google Bard, none of them were terrible, and a couple of were pretty catchy, but again, based on a consumer opening an email based on the subject line, there’s not enough of a catch in them IMO.

iASK.AI Screenshot

Bing’s AI, I think was the winner of this particular trial. Of course, this is a personal perspective, and I thought it was interesting that they were also putting emojis in the subject line, which can work depending on your target market and your age group. Of all of the content that the AI engines spit out, these had the most of what I will call “carrot opens”, which means if I read this email subject line, there was enough of an incentive in the subject line for me to possibly want to open it.

Bing AI Screenshot

The next test that I gave some of the AI engines was, “Write 10 creative Instagram posts for selling Muffins”.

 

Now what I thought was really interesting here was that some of the platforms autogenerated some hashtags, but not nearly enough for Instagram, and a couple added emojis.

 

What I found the most intriguing about this, though, was there was a big difference between the fact that some of the AI platforms recognized the fact that Instagram also needed a photo attached to it or an image, and it was not just text-based or others did not. 

 

IASK.AI for example gave some emojis, and they gave some hashtags but no photo prompts. Bing’s AI did the same.

iASK.AI Screenshot

Bing AI Screenshot

Google Bard gave image prompts with short Instagram posts, but they did not give hashtags, and did not include emojis. The emojis were not necessary, but I do think it’s interesting that they did not include hashtags at all.

Google Bard Screenshot

ChatGPT also gave text for a Instagram post, emojis, some hashtags but no image prompts. (and emojis were before the text compared to some of other platforms).

ChatGPT Screenshot

The last prompt that I gave the AI platforms, at least for the time being, as I continue to mess with the options and with new AI platforms as they come out is “Write 10 creative scripts for Youtube shorts for selling muffins“.

 

Now a YouTube short is under one minute long, and keep in mind like Instagram, it also needs the visuals, so I was curious to see whether the AI engines would actually give visual prompts, not just scripts.

 

In Google Bard they gave some suggestions about what you could do with the YouTube shorts and gave some sample scripts but no visual prompts.

Google Bard Screenshot

I decided to add one of the others I had been testing out that had not prior given decent results in other prompts. Interestingly this one gave some interesting results for this particular test. In Hugging Chat, they gave some script ideas, and they gave titles, and they gave some audio prompts, but they also didn’t give visual prompts.

Hugging Chat AI Screenshot

IASK.AI also gave some interesting results, but it was kind of a mishmash. It gave you some titles like Bite into the Sweetness and Muffin Mania, and then it gave you some visual prompts, but it didn’t give you scripts.

iASK.AI Screenshot

ChatGPT gave off some possible titles of YouTube shorts and gave some visual prompt suggestions, but again no scripts.

ChatGPT Screenshot

Bing’s AI was again almost the winner in this particular prompt in that it gave you an actual script and it gave you a visual prompt. No titles though.

Bing AI Screenshot

What I deduce from this test, and I know that this is a work in progress as AI platforms gather more data and become more evolved, is that no one platform is going to necessarily spit out everything that you need.

 

I was interested from a testing perspective to also see how much AI platforms so far have built-in information, like what is needed for particular social platforms. Instagram for example, HAS to have some sort of image, and the text, hashtags, and emojis are kind of useless without one, or not very helpful from a marketing perspective without an idea of what to use “as” an image.

 

If you take and use the prompts and the ideas from two or three of these platforms simultaneously when you’re running into roadblocks coming up with ideas and creating content, it can certainly generate enough information and ideas.

 

From a time-saving perspective, I think it can definitly save time and some hair-pulling to come up with new/creative content because it helps you get your brain and your gears working when running into the “Oh Jeez, what do I post next?” which seems to happen to most businesses, sometimes sooner rather than later.

 

All of the prompts used were simple prompts and while you can get a lot more specific in terms of the ask and what you want generated, I wanted to do this in the context of the average business owner who would not be asking very specific prompts or even know to do that or what to ask in detail.

 

Curiously on all of the hashtag suggestions there didn’t seem to be any parameters (or data) on whether the hashtag had decent usage at all on a platform, or even if it was used at all. In the case of #MuffinMatchmaker suggested by ChatGPT, not a single hashtag use on Instagram. #MuffinTime on Instagram had 174,103 results, Facebook it had 40K posts and Youtube not a heck of alot unless you count suicidal muffin songs, and that one is not even using the hashtag.

 

So if your going to use the AI platforms suggestions for Hashtags on any platform, I’d suggest doing some research first on market saturation of the hashtags first and check them for each platform in terms of numbers and marketing weight before you just blindly take them at face value.

 

My next rabbit hole is to ask AIs to evaluate hashtags and how they are rating and evaluating them (if they even are, and I don’t think so -Yet…..). Google Bard for example suggested some ones for Facebook (in a seperate test) that had less than a thousand posts attached to it, so it looks like they have some work to do, and the majority of the suggestions it spit out for Linkedin as another example, had a big ZERO in terms of usage on the number of posts. Hmmmmm………

 

Paper Business Cards vs. Digital Business Cards

Image of Two Hands Exchanging a Business CardIn some ways, I’m a bit of a Luddite; I still dislike my cell phone (I had a Tracfone for years until I was dragged literally kicking and screaming into the 21st century a few years ago). I still use a paper calendar for scheduling my week (this is more that my brain can’t process things in a digital format for scheduling and try to find room to breathe occasionally. I like being able to visually lay out my week and schedule meetings and workshops where I can find time to do work in between them). But I digress.

 

My friends and many business associates chuckle at me because in most ways, I am a massive computer and technology geek. AI fascinates me, for example, down a rabbit hole I go. Ohhhh, new social platform alternative to Twitter…………Ohhh, Canva Design challenge……

 

But……. Printed physical business cards vs. digital. I suspect until we do away with paper entirely and also in-person meetings completely, physical business cards will be a long time in going away.

 

In the past few months, I’ve had several interactions with people who did not have physical business cards with them. All three went overboard trying to convince me that they no longer needed physical cards any more or even business cards at all. I’m afraid I have to disagree.

 

Let’s explore those interactions for a moment.

 

The first was back in January, where I got into a discussion with the person online in front of me in the grocery store when he commented on my custom business imprinted grocery totes. (it was a long line, not enough cashiers on duty). He asked me about my company, and we chatted for a few minutes, and I gave him my card and asked him for his.

 

He said, “I don’t carry cards anymore because I use digital cards now, I just converted to all digital last week. I think digital business cards are fantastic, etc. etc. the greatest thing since sliced bread.”

Well…. Ok then. I’m game.

Him: “Here scan this QR code on my phone.”

I scan the code. Me: “Ok, so is this what’s supposed to happen? It’s bringing me to the App Store on my iPhone to download a contact App.”

Him: “Oh, they told me it was supposed to get instantly added to someone’s contacts” (My ask was apparently the first test of the digital card).

Me: “I’m sorry the line is moving along, and I don’t really want to add one more app on my to phone if it’s just for one contact. Let me grab a pen, and I’ll jot down your email/phone number.” Good thing I had a pen……

 

The second was at a home show in Manchester, NH, my husband and I went to last month and got pigeonholed by a guy at a booth selling garage flooring. It was kind of interesting so we stuck around to chat. The booth was completely paperless.

 

When I asked for a card, the fellow said,  “I don’t do business cards anymore or anything in print, but let me have all your contact information so I can put it into the computer and follow up.”

 

Sorry mate, if I’m interested, I’ll call you. Not the other way around.

 

My husband caved and gave him his contact info with the caveat; don’t call me during the day; I can’t take personal calls when I’m working.

 

Guess when he called? 

 

He didn’t even have a QR code on anything in or on the booth either (or on his phone) or even anywhere where his website was listed on the display so I could take a picture of it, so we walked away with nothing in hand to remember the company by, except for him having my husband’s information which didn’t work out so well for him. Several marketing fails on that one.

 

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?), I don’t recall the name of the company because again, I didn’t have a way to do so easily.  And the fellow was very VERY adamant that this was “the Way!” Anyone else watching the Mandalorian?  While I suppose I could have snapped a picture of the display with the business name on it, at that point I was a tad aggrevated at both the pushiness to get contact information and the “new tech is the only way to go.” He lost a potentially significant sale because of this (and calling during the time when told not to call didn’t help).

 

The third interaction was last week at a business event. I asked a new contact for a business card and gave them mine. “I don’t have print cards anymore” was the response I got. Ok. So I scanned the code on his phone into mine, and he is now in my contact list.

 

Well, just dandy folks, I met 15+ people after I talked to him within a short span of time. I got business cards from pretty much all of those people except for people that forgot them or they were out of them. Note, I also have over a thousand contacts in my contact list.

 

If I had a little more time in between meeting other people, I would “maybe” have had a moment to try to find the contact and add a note in about who he was and where I met him, but I didn’t get a chance. And I didn’t remember until days later, and by then, I forgot his name.

 

This is something to keep in mind for how people do in-person networking, you meet, you greet, you chat, you move on to someone else. So normally (and in this case), I probably would forget to follow up with him unless it was a super important contact and it was top of mind.

 

All of the business cards I received at that event, I’ve either connected with via email or on Linkedin if I was interested. And to whoever it was that I met and got your digital contact info, I’m sorry I don’t remember your name, and I don’t have time (or the inclination) to spend lots of time trying to find you in my contact list, so I hope YOU follow up if you want to connect.

 

I’m not poo pooing digital business cards, but I’d like people to consider the benefits of using and having BOTH digital and physical cards. I no longer have a Rolodex, but I do like the physical business cards, so I can make notes on them, track where I got them from (date and event), and then scan them in (and then they are digital). I also keep important ones in addition in the paper format as I may refer other people to them as they are easily accesible in a card file vs searching online for information, and I also may pass them along to other contacts.  

 

To reference the last interaction, this is where having both digital and paper cards come in handy. “I got business cards from pretty much all of those people except for people that forgot them or they were out of them.”  Have the digital format for people that want it (and as a last resort if you run out (can I just say tsk tsk though?) and use the paper for most.

 

I know I’m not alone, I do know many people who still keep Rolodexs or similar means of keeping cards, and until all of us old fogies and luddites die out, we might be customers, guests, vendors, or, if nothing else, good contacts. (Sorry, not sorry, if that sounds sarcastic but it’s true.) Until Gen Z completely dominates the workforce, which is coming, but still a decade+ down the round, business people have to remember that customers and business contacts still come in a variety of ages and technology comfort levels.

 

The other small (or large) thing to remember is if the contact application is in the cloud, is there decent cell service (or service at all in some cases) everywhere? In rural”ish” NH, there is still a ton of dead zones. So if your business card app is cloud-based and you can’t connect, how useful is it to you or the person you are trying to exchange contact information with? It’s just like QR codes (which I love, by the way, as a marketing tool), but if you’re in a subway, (the longer version is well worth the watch as well), as my one of favorite marketing peeps points out from a rather older video now, but still relevant, you don’t have a cell signal………

 

Also, what happens if your cell phone runs out of juice at that all-day conference you are at…..

(As a side note, mostly because I am so easily amused, Canva’s AI doesn’t seem to know what a Rolodex is, the right hand photos are AI generated in the photo collage at the top, if the odd shaped fingers hadn’t tipped you off already).

Setting Business Boundaries and Steps for Setting Them

A clock on a chain crashing into a wallThis was a Toastmasters speech I recently gave in my club, and I wanted to share it as it got a great response from our club members, who are in business, either working for themselves or others.


I’m not going to talk about personal or relationship boundaries because we would be here all night. I do want to address some professional boundaries that all of us, whether we own a business, run a business, are a manager, or work for someone else and have probably run into at some point in our lives.


What happens when you don’t set boundaries in your business life? 


Whether it’s by email, text message, phone call, or in person, What happens?

  • You end up resentful of managers, bosses, co-workers or clients, and others who demand your time.
  • Your motivation and energy suffers.
  • You hit your burnout mark, you might break down, or in modern terms, You have exceeded your bandwidth.
  • Other parts of your life are suffering: your health, your sleep habits, your eating habits, and more…


Those 2 AM wide awake stress periods about something, has anyone ever had those?


What happens when you Do set boundaries in your business life?

  • You are more productive
  • Your mental and physical well-being are generally greater.
  • You can enjoy the work you do (if you liked it in the first place).


Boundaries are NOT demands.

They are explicitly setting and communicating clear expectations to others.


A boundary is a particular course of action YOU take when someone pushes it.

It is a statement of cause and effect.


It’s not about what THEY do (or don’t); it’s about what YOU do or, more importantly, Will do if that boundary continues to be pushed.


Some people might feel that setting boundaries is making a threat, i.e. “If you do this, WELL, I’m going to do this back at you.”

Please throw that thinking and that mindset out the window. 


If you don’t set boundaries, what usually happens is people will walk all over you, and they will continue to do it for as long as you let it happen.

Here are a few examples of setting professional boundaries:


From an employee to a manager or co-worker, or even a client:

Not a good boundary: “You can’t call me after regular business hours.”

Why is this not even a boundary? There is no qualifier. “Yeah, so what?”

It’s like saying, “You can’t keep coming on to my property without my permission, and (nothing will happen).”

 A better boundary: “If you call me after hours, I will not respond until the following business day.”

Why is this a reasonable boundary? 

It’s telling someone if they do this, this is what will happen, or in this case, NOT occur.


Not a good boundary:
  “You need to give me less to do; I’m overloaded.”

A reasonable boundary:  “I will only work the number of hours I am contracted for per month.”

Or, more specifically, “I will only work the number of hours per month I am contracted for unless my time is compensated.”

Why is this a reasonable boundary? 

It’s setting a standard, being specific, and in the second case stating well, if you want me to do this (?), where is my carrot?


A few examples from a manager to an employee or to a boss or co-manager that is habitually late for meetings and holds everyone else up, including you:

Not a good boundary:  You need to attend staff meetings on time.

Why is this not a reasonable boundary or even a boundary at all? 

Why should they? Everyone waits for them when they show up late, so they push the envelope and keep doing it for every meeting.

A better boundary:  We will start without you if you are not here.

Why is this a better boundary? They snooze they lose. If they are late, they will miss important information, and if they don’t hear information, they will be out of the loop, and bad things could happen.


The best way to think of what is a good response and a reasonable boundary is that the person you are setting boundaries with needs to make a step.  


I’ve also heard that telling a boss they won’t wait for them (in the example of always running late for meetings) is a bad idea because they own or run the company. What I have found works well is let them know respectfully that when they are late, it puts projects behind, causes overtime, and takes money out of their own pockets. That usually does the trick. 

And you need to give them that step to take. 


In the context of Toastmasters, think of evaluations; an evaluation with feedback that is not actionable doesn’t do anything and doesn’t help you become a better speaker.

An evaluation outlining steps to fix, help or correct something in a speech helps you progress as a speaker.


I’d like you to imagine yourself as a tree; around the tree is a small fence, and your boundary is a foot-high fence, but not a 10-foot fence. 

The person you are interacting with can’t step over a 10-foot fence, but they can step over the foot-high fence (or maybe one slightly higher if needed), but they have to make an effort to lift up their foot and take the step. Give the person pushing your boundaries the step to take.


Here are a few steps I’ve found helpful when setting up your own professional boundaries and how to respond to others that push yours.

Make a list, of what ticks you off, what gets under your skin at work, what are things that bug you, that cause that insomnia, and 2 AM wakeups where you are stressing out. Make a list.

If you have ever had a conversation with someone and for days and sometimes longer, you think about what better responses you could have given, it’s usually an example of someone pushing your boundaries. Write those down!

What is the thing being pushed on? Be specific!

What do you want that person to do (or not do)? Be specific!

Write down some what-ifs. You are working too many hours; you state to your boss or client you will only work “this number” of hours. 


What are some variables as the result of your saying that? 


Write them out. Sometimes a stated boundary can be negative. 


Think of the potential outcomes when you write out your responses.  


If you said, “I won’t work more than my contracted hours per month, or I will quit.” A manager or boss might say, “OK.” 

Maybe not go there……

But rephrased with room for negotiation, like, “I will not work more than my contracted hours per month unless my time is compensated,” gives you some space for discussion. 

“Well, if you can’t pay me more, what perks can you get me? More vacation time? Other?”


And last but not least, practice in front of a mirror. 


Record yourself. The first few times, you may not feel comfortable setting that boundary you are aiming for, but just like giving a speech, practicing helps with your comfort level.

Setting reasonable boundaries in your professional life can help make your workplace a more enjoyable and productive environment in which you work, no matter your position.

One of the biggest things people have trouble doing is saying NO. I used to be horrible at this, and then I started getting overextended and over-committing and then totally stressing out about things. I would always get the commitments done, but the amount of mental and physical stress it would put me under was horrible.


One of the hardest things I found is the ability to say NO and WHY. I still cave occasionally, but it’s after I’ve had that internal conversation with myself that asks, do I “actually” have time for this? Will I enjoy doing it? What do I get from it? Money? Recognition? Self-satisfaction? If I have time, but I’m not going to enjoy it, and there is no carrot, why do it? And if I said Yes (but should have said NO instead), I try to make that decision to change, and I set information down on paper (pros of something and cons of something), so I can review it and reevaluate whether the decision was good for my mental and physical well-being.

No is just a boundary, but putting it and a “I will or I won’t” into context will resonate more with others if there is a qualifier.

A Tip for Taking Control of Your Email Inbox

Trash Can and Email BoxMany business owners are overwhelmed by email, some more than others.

Many are just overloaded by industry information, newsletters, and other material they want to keep up on or are interested in.

Email boxes can also get clogged by special offers and specials from companies a business owner might buy from, both professionally and personally.

I want to share my method for keeping my email box in check. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s well worth it if you get a ton of email that is not directly related to customers or clients. It is easy, though, you just have to stick with it for a little bit.

This method can be used for any type of email, whether it’s local news, special offers from Lowe’s, or anything else you want to apply it to.

I call it the rule of three. It means that whether it’s a daily email, a weekly, or monthly email, you want to get at least three interesting articles of learning, a special offer you will actually use or take advantage of, or important news from a newsletter throughout its distribution period.

So a daily email needs to have at least three relevant outgoing links over the course of a week. Or three links per three weeks or three months if that is the time distribution.

People statistically sign up for a newsletter more often than they might think. They may go shopping somewhere, either online or off, and get added (or add themselves) to a newsletter.

While some people just cruise through and delete non-relevant emails, it still takes a few minutes, even more time if you spend the time opening them. That small time period starts to add up over the course of a week, a month, a year……

excel sheet sample

Periodically I make a list of all the emails I get on a weekly and monthly basis, and I keep track of them. I open up Excel and save the file, but keep it open on my desktop so when I do my morning review of non-client emails before I get into regular work mode, I can log them.

I don’t count the links I clicked because the title was catchy and caused me to click into it, I log the articles and links I found useful.

An excel spreadsheet or Google sheets work very well for this, or if you prefer old school, put your titles in a blank sheet and make hash marks on it.

There will always be some very important newsletters, and I bold those because regardless of the frequency of good articles, you may need them for business, or they are very important to read even if it’s not every single email. As you can see from this example, there are several emails I subscribed to a few months ago because I thought they sounded interesting that need to go.

You can also bold/highlight or colorize an individual numerical group. There is no wrong way to go about this, but actually reviewing your incoming email can really help with time management as well as your own sanity in getting overwhelmed (or not) with emails.

I’ve used this system for years to manage my inbox and have found it works well.

Ways To Help Yourself When You are Being Overly Self-Critical as a Business Owner

Perfectionist ImageOne of the most challenging issues I find business owners face, especially in regards to themselves as owners is perfectionism.

 

It’s your business, your baby; you live, eat and breathe it, and so you tend to get overly hard on yourself.

 

If you notice that you are being self-critical of yourself– and spinning in an endless cycle of blaming yourself – it’s time to take a step back and think about how you can coach yourself out of that downward spin.

Before I move on to the three things that can help you get out of that deadly spiral of defeatism.

 

I want to give a couple of quick examples of being self-critical.

Telling yourself, “Oh Man, I REALLY blew that interaction with a client; what is WRONG with me!” and “I can’t believe I missed that deadline to get that ad into the paper. I NEVER miss deadlines.”

 

There is a very fine line between healthy striving for perfection and self-defeating perfectionism. From the perspective of your employees (if you have them), it’s even harder to cope with someone who has to have everything perfect, and even harder to deal with when their boss gets stressed about perfection, whether it’s their own or someone else’s.

 

For people who aim for the sky, failure of any sort can be a tremendous blow and can lead to depression and other negative mental thoughts, which can be self-harming.

 

You can identify to yourself when you are being overly self-critical when you find yourself doing the following three things:

  • One. Needing to be in control and being obsessive about it, and needing to micromanage projects.
  • Two: Having a fear unto obsessiveness of making a mistake, ANY kind of mistake.
  • Third but certainly not least: Constantly asking for reassurance from others, “Do you think we will get the numbers?”, ‘Do you think this will bring in sales?“. And owners do ask those questions of people they work with and employees. If you are a sole proprietor, that is even more of a burden to bear because you generally don’t have anyone qualified to ask for that reassurance.

When you find yourself doing these things, and you may need to consciously think about identifying when you do these, you need to take a step back, and again you need to reassess.

 

You are doing more damage than good to yourself.

 

Inside every person striving for perfection is the lizard brain, which is the little voice inside you screaming: “Everything is on fire, Only I, PERFECTION MAN (or WOMAN)! can put out the flames!”

 

You need to learn how to rein in and control that lizard brain.

 

Here are some steps that I have found to help tame that obnoxious little beastie.

 

Step One is Self Compassion and learning to be more self-confident.

 

Take a hard look at your past successes and cut yourself some slack.

No one reaches the finish line 100% of the time; this is an unrealistic goal. It really IS!

 

That doesn’t mean setting a lower bar for yourself. It just means you need to be more confident that when you DO fail at something, you can tell that pesky little internal lizard brain that you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time.

 

I’ll give you a broad example of this: I’ve seen so many perfectionists beat themselves up because a project has failed, but it was because the success was reliant on someone ELSE who dropped the ball
OR
The person was not provided the tools or skills they needed to accomplish success.

 

The perfectionists still beat themselves up as if it were their fault.

As a side note, Self-confidence is also something you can learn from being a part of Toastmasters.

 

People are not born self-confident; it’s a learned skill, just like being a leader.

 

Step Two is understanding your crutches.

It’s not enough to tell yourself, “I NEED TO STOP BEING SO HARD ON MYSELF.

 

Those are just words. Empty words.

 

Take a step back and ask yourself, and I’d really like you to think about this: What story or stories are you telling yourself that is getting in the way of your progress?

What stories are you using as a crutch to beat yourself up?


Is it that memory of a parent or boss who was a great parent or boss but ONE time they slipped because you had stretched their patience to its absolute maximum or they were having a really, really bad day and being human, said something they regretted and that ONE thing stuck in your memory and became self-defeating?

 

That story or stories you subconsciously tell yourself are roadblocks, and until you can understand them within yourself, they will always be roadblocks.

 

Step Three is to embrace your inner critic; that darn pesky lizard brain has two additional distinct faces aside from the one trying to play Fireman Dan all the time and obsessively putting out fires.

 

The two additional faces are the analyst and the advocate.

 

The analyst face looks for the unhelpful statements that you keep repeating to yourself, to use my earlier example, “Oh Man, I REALLY blew that interaction with a client; what is WRONG with me!, and then adjusts them, so instead of “Oh Man I REALLY blew that interaction with a client, What is WRONG with me!” adjust it to be “Yes I DID screw up that interaction and made a mistake, but I’m going to help fix it and see if I can get the client back and this is what I am going to do………”

 

What is your positive spin and goal going forward? Make that the self-edit/self-adjustment.

 

The advocate is the self-compassionate face, the one that says, “I’ve gotten through similar obstacles in the past,” I know I can do it; if I don’t make it this time, I won’t stop trying.”

 

Look at your advocate and give your advocate advice as if you were giving it to a good friend who has self-doubt. Look at yourself in the mirror and talk to it as if your reflection was that friend. What would you say to them?

 

You might notice all three steps revolve around having compassion for yourself.

 

Encouraging yourself to have self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook for mistakes and missed goals.

 

It’s about encouraging a healthy mindset to rebound from setbacks so you can build resilience and move on to a more productive work and personal life.

 

There is a great book by Spencer Johnson called Who Moved My Cheese that was required reading at the Culinary (and many other colleges, apparently) and describes how one reacts to major changes in one’s work and life.

 

To appropriate that theme a little bit. I encourage all of you that lets the lizard brain take over, feed him, or her, some cheese; they love cheese.

 

String cheese and self-compassion cheese are the best. As an added bonus, dairy helps put out hot flavors, essentially quenching the lizard brain’s constant need to put out the fire.