Setting Business Boundaries and Steps for Setting Them
This was a Toastmasters speech I recently gave in my club, and I wanted to share it as it got a great response from our club members, who are in business, either working for themselves or others.
I’m not going to talk about personal or relationship boundaries because we would be here all night. I do want to address some professional boundaries that all of us, whether we own a business, run a business, are a manager, or work for someone else and have probably run into at some point in our lives.
What happens when you don’t set boundaries in your business life?
Whether it’s by email, text message, phone call, or in person, What happens?
- You end up resentful of managers, bosses, co-workers or clients, and others who demand your time.
- Your motivation and energy suffers.
- You hit your burnout mark, you might break down, or in modern terms, You have exceeded your bandwidth.
- Other parts of your life are suffering: your health, your sleep habits, your eating habits, and more…
Those 2 AM wide awake stress periods about something, has anyone ever had those?
What happens when you Do set boundaries in your business life?
- You are more productive
- Your mental and physical well-being are generally greater.
- You can enjoy the work you do (if you liked it in the first place).
Boundaries are NOT demands.
They are explicitly setting and communicating clear expectations to others.
A boundary is a particular course of action YOU take when someone pushes it.
It is a statement of cause and effect.
It’s not about what THEY do (or don’t); it’s about what YOU do or, more importantly, Will do if that boundary continues to be pushed.
Some people might feel that setting boundaries is making a threat, i.e. “If you do this, WELL, I’m going to do this back at you.”
Please throw that thinking and that mindset out the window.
If you don’t set boundaries, what usually happens is people will walk all over you, and they will continue to do it for as long as you let it happen.
Here are a few examples of setting professional boundaries:
From an employee to a manager or co-worker, or even a client:
Not a good boundary: “You can’t call me after regular business hours.”
Why is this not even a boundary? There is no qualifier. “Yeah, so what?”
It’s like saying, “You can’t keep coming on to my property without my permission, and (nothing will happen).”
A better boundary: “If you call me after hours, I will not respond until the following business day.”
Why is this a reasonable boundary?
It’s telling someone if they do this, this is what will happen, or in this case, NOT occur.
Not a good boundary: “You need to give me less to do; I’m overloaded.”
A reasonable boundary: “I will only work the number of hours I am contracted for per month.”
Or, more specifically, “I will only work the number of hours per month I am contracted for unless my time is compensated.”
Why is this a reasonable boundary?
It’s setting a standard, being specific, and in the second case stating well, if you want me to do this (?), where is my carrot?
A few examples from a manager to an employee or to a boss or co-manager that is habitually late for meetings and holds everyone else up, including you:
Not a good boundary: You need to attend staff meetings on time.
Why is this not a reasonable boundary or even a boundary at all?
Why should they? Everyone waits for them when they show up late, so they push the envelope and keep doing it for every meeting.
A better boundary: We will start without you if you are not here.
Why is this a better boundary? They snooze they lose. If they are late, they will miss important information, and if they don’t hear information, they will be out of the loop, and bad things could happen.
The best way to think of what is a good response and a reasonable boundary is that the person you are setting boundaries with needs to make a step.
I’ve also heard that telling a boss they won’t wait for them (in the example of always running late for meetings) is a bad idea because they own or run the company. What I have found works well is let them know respectfully that when they are late, it puts projects behind, causes overtime, and takes money out of their own pockets. That usually does the trick.
And you need to give them that step to take.
In the context of Toastmasters, think of evaluations; an evaluation with feedback that is not actionable doesn’t do anything and doesn’t help you become a better speaker.
An evaluation outlining steps to fix, help or correct something in a speech helps you progress as a speaker.
I’d like you to imagine yourself as a tree; around the tree is a small fence, and your boundary is a foot-high fence, but not a 10-foot fence.
The person you are interacting with can’t step over a 10-foot fence, but they can step over the foot-high fence (or maybe one slightly higher if needed), but they have to make an effort to lift up their foot and take the step. Give the person pushing your boundaries the step to take.
Here are a few steps I’ve found helpful when setting up your own professional boundaries and how to respond to others that push yours.
Make a list, of what ticks you off, what gets under your skin at work, what are things that bug you, that cause that insomnia, and 2 AM wakeups where you are stressing out. Make a list.
If you have ever had a conversation with someone and for days and sometimes longer, you think about what better responses you could have given, it’s usually an example of someone pushing your boundaries. Write those down!
What is the thing being pushed on? Be specific!
What do you want that person to do (or not do)? Be specific!
Write down some what-ifs. You are working too many hours; you state to your boss or client you will only work “this number” of hours.
What are some variables as the result of your saying that?
Write them out. Sometimes a stated boundary can be negative.
Think of the potential outcomes when you write out your responses.
If you said, “I won’t work more than my contracted hours per month, or I will quit.” A manager or boss might say, “OK.”
Maybe not go there……
But rephrased with room for negotiation, like, “I will not work more than my contracted hours per month unless my time is compensated,” gives you some space for discussion.
“Well, if you can’t pay me more, what perks can you get me? More vacation time? Other?”
And last but not least, practice in front of a mirror.
Record yourself. The first few times, you may not feel comfortable setting that boundary you are aiming for, but just like giving a speech, practicing helps with your comfort level.
Setting reasonable boundaries in your professional life can help make your workplace a more enjoyable and productive environment in which you work, no matter your position.
One of the biggest things people have trouble doing is saying NO. I used to be horrible at this, and then I started getting overextended and over-committing and then totally stressing out about things. I would always get the commitments done, but the amount of mental and physical stress it would put me under was horrible.
One of the hardest things I found is the ability to say NO and WHY. I still cave occasionally, but it’s after I’ve had that internal conversation with myself that asks, do I “actually” have time for this? Will I enjoy doing it? What do I get from it? Money? Recognition? Self-satisfaction? If I have time, but I’m not going to enjoy it, and there is no carrot, why do it? And if I said Yes (but should have said NO instead), I try to make that decision to change, and I set information down on paper (pros of something and cons of something), so I can review it and reevaluate whether the decision was good for my mental and physical well-being.
No is just a boundary, but putting it and a “I will or I won’t” into context will resonate more with others if there is a qualifier.
